Friday, May 30, 2008

khilaf

Aku nggak bakalan mahu menyerah. walau seberat apa pun dugaan yang kau beri ya Tuhan, aku pohon agar kau sisipkan bersamanya segenggam kesabaran dan secebis keikhlasan. Aku percaya, di sebalik semua kesusahan dan kekecewaan yang aku alami di saat ini, pasti ada hikmahnya karna sesungguhnya Engkau tidak pernah mempunyai maksud untuk menghukum manusia. Engkau maha pengampun dan maha penyayang, aku pohon dengan setiap titik darah ku, agar kau mengampunkan segala dosa ku dan menerima taubat ku yang masih kurang sempurna ini. Tunjukkan lah hidayahmu dan sayangilah aku sepertimana Engkau menyayangi para Nabi dan wali mu. Aku merasa tidak berdaya di saat ini dan ini membuat kan aku sadar betapa kerdil dan lemah nya aku. Selama ini, Engkau melindungi aku tetapi aku merasa megah dan berkuasa. Aku lalai dengan segala nikmat yang kau beri. Tapi kali ini kau telah membuka kan mataku. Dengan ucapan Kun Fa Ya Kun, kau bisa mengubah nasib ku. Betapa aku tidak berdaya. Ya Allah, berilah aku semangat untuk meneruskan perjuangan ku. tetapkan lah iman ku, dan janganlah engkau menutupkan setiap pintu nikmat buat ku. Kasihanilah aku yang lemah ini Ya Allah. Kabulkan lah doa doa ku dan berilah aku petunjuk mu supaya aku tidak lagi leka dalam kesombongan dan ketaksuban. Amin.

khudakhafiz.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

allah, forgive me.

why cant she understand me? everytime its my fault. she doesnt realize it but i already have too much on my mind. and she only adds to my problem. everytime she looks at me, she gives me that annoying look and just annoys me further. cant she realize that its actually her damn fault! she was the one who kept accusing me of thgs tt i never did. she was the one who forced me to do thgs tt i never wanted to. and most of all, she is the one who always finds fault with me! every single thg about me is wrong to her. I am trying my best, but you never give me a chance. I hate to confess this but im starting to hate you! this is not right, I know. and im trying to delude this emotion. but you re not helping. If you ever came across tis, i wished you realized ma, that its not easy being me-your daughter!


khudakhafiz.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

aab to main samajte ho...

when they say, 'love doesnt require a reason'. I did not believe. I did not understand. but today, i do. And i mean to tell all those around me, do not give yourself a reason to love someone. Just love him with all that you have. Please girls, dont you ever give up your love just because he has ceased to express his love for you. You never know, but he may have his reasons for not doing so. And one day when you do find out the reason, you will regret having ended your love for him. Its really complex-love. I havent been through it but i cant help trying to unravel it.



Kau bisa merahsiakannya

Biarlah ia menjadi kunci hatimu

Aku tak perlu tahu

Tapi asal engkau tahu

Ku takkan pernah berhenti mencintaimu

Selagi ada cinta dalam diri aku



Its really very sad. Cahaya has thought me a fair bit about life...how it means to be disliked by your own people, how love can be so unpredictable, how much it means to have your child with you etc. Ppl shud watch tt sinetron and dont think im saying this just because im a fan of Dude n Naysilla. tts only part of the reason folks.





2 guys, a girl and love.

its not tt easy. especially when ure torn between one:

who is on a commoted mission to shield you away from any form of sadness

and another:

who holds a silent vow to give anything to see you smile from your heart.



khudakhafiz

Sunday, May 4, 2008

a dose of indon and india

Thank goodness the sinetron hasnt ended. waktu tayang after Munajah Cinta. I was so scared I wont be able to see Dude agn. Haiz. Pains me to think tt one day sinetron Cahaya will definitely have to end(despite being over 200 episodes alrdy) and when tt day comes, I will suffer miserably without Dude.

Aniwae, Tashan was ok. Not incredible. But of course Bebo is incredible! as usual. Now i approve of her bodyshape. Thank god she finally realize tt she has got to get out of being fat. Now shes back to being P-H-A-T! pretty, HOT and tempting! hahaha!

Im still waiting for a letter from any unis? Ya allah, pls let me have an offer. It means everything to me. And I believe only Allah can help me now. He is the most Forgiving and Merciful.

Oh yes, and today's episode of AYA was so romantic. I wanna have a guy like Satria by my side. Who loves me till his last breath, and thinks of nothing but my happiness.
As much as I wana have Dude for myself, I think he and Nay make a nice couple too. So cute. But then agn, I havent seen myself beside Dude. It might be better. hehehe! I hope this sinetron lasts for a few more months. I cant imagine my days without it.

khudakhafiz.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Cinta tidak bermaksud Memiliki

Love Calculator results
These are the results of the calculations by Dr. Love:
Dude Harlino
loves
DIL( insert my full name)


96 %

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Dude Harlino and (insert my full name) has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

uhuh...see, we're compatible. But in the end, only Allah knows if we were made for each other.
Im still trying to move on though, like I always did. But this time, its really very difficult. I think of him very so often, in my sleep, in my wake, and even in my prayers. But i've told myself, "Cinta tidak bermaksud Memiliki." -Ayat-ayat Cinta

khudakhafiz.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

I didnt ask for him to be my first love

its impossible. entirely. but I STILL LOVE HIM. why Allah? why? why is this happening to me? its not fair. I ve never been in this situation. No guy has ever touched my heart. but he did. why does it has to be him? or why does it have to be me.

Googled for blogs with posts on Dude a while ago. So many girls out thr has fallen for him just like I did. And thr was tt utube fan of Dude who had pictures with Dude n all othr Cahaya casts. How e hell did she get tt? She must be a big fan, gg all the way to Jakarta. It seems, from her blog, she knows quite a lot abt Ririn Dwi Ariyanti n Naysilla too. wateva.But seriously, I dont know what is happening to me. Allah, I have so many other things to think and worry about. pls help me forget him if he wasnt made for me. please.

Why is this happening to me?
Why?
U dont know it, but it hurts. This is precisely why I have never let guys near my heart.

Just forget him Dil, let it go. He will never be there for you. You know its just a fantasy. Open your palm and let it fall away from your grasp. Dont give it a thot girl. Its not worth it. Let him go.
He isnt the one for you. YOU know it.


khudakhafiz.