Ampuniku Ya Allah

AFGAN--PadaMu Kubersujud

Ku menatap dalam gelap

tiada yang bisa kulihat

selain hanya nama-Mu,

ya allah

Esok ataukah nanti,

ampuni semua salahku

lindungi aku dari segala fitnah

Kau tempatku meminta,

kau beriku bahagia

jadikan aku selamanya

hambamu yang selalu bertaqwa

Ampuniku ya Allah,

yang sering melupakanmu

saat kau limpahkan karuniamu

dalam sunyi aku bersujud

Di Ramadhan yang mulia ini, aku insaf akan kehinaan ku.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku tidak pernah bersyukur dengan pemberian mu

Tapi jangan lah engkau mengabaikan ku

Berkatilah masaku

Permudahkan lah perjuangan ku

Insya allah aku ingin menemui Ramadhan yang seterusnya

Di mana aku akan bisa bersujud kepada mu dengan penuh keinsafan.

khudakhafiz.

AKULAH SANG PENGHIBUR

people make meaningful songs, songs that give life to others who hear it. i wish to relive my life. but why should i be shy? bukankah ku pernah melihat bintang senyum, menghisai sang malam.

aur isi kehte hai zindegi. zindegi migzara...DIL!

setiap perkataan yang menjatuhkan

tak lagi ku dengar dengan sungguh

juga tutur kata yang mencela tak lagi kucerna di dalam jiwa

aku bukan seorang yang mengerti tentang

kelihaian membaca hatiku hanya pemimpi kecil yang berangan tuk merubah nasibnya

oh bukankah ku pernah melihat bintang senyum

menghiasi sang malam

yang berkilau bagai permata

menghibur yg lelah jiwanya...

yg sedih hatinya...

ku gerak kan langkah kaki dimana cinta akan bertumbuh

ku layangkan jauh mata memandang

tuk melanjutkan mimpi yang terputus

masih kucoba..

mengejar rinduku meski peluh membasahi tanah letih,

penat tak menghalangiku tuk temukan bahagia

oh bukankah ku pernah melihat bintang

senyum menghiasi sang malam

yang berkilau bagai permata

menghibur yg lelah jiwanya

yg sedih hatinya

oh bukankah hidup ada perhentian

tak harus kencang terus berlari

kuhela kan nafas panjang

tuk siap berlari kembali

bagai bintang yang bersinar menghibur yang lelah jiwanya,

bagai bintang yang berpijar menghibur yang sedih hatinya

-PADI (SANG PENGHIBUR)

khudakhafiz

main hoon bechara

sometimes, u have certain dreams or desires tt u know u can never make to come true. probably due to your self principles, physical restrictions, mobility factors or cultural stereotypes, religious obligations etc. so when people say "reach for your dreams," i'd choose to laugh it off.

that is something i've learned from my life. i am an average girl with big dreams. mostly too big for girls, like me that i have to live with denying my dreams myself. told u im a superb actress!
if ever people ask me wat are my dreams and wat i'd like to be in life? im sorry folks, do not expect me to answer tt with an honest answer. as honest as i may appear to sound, it'd still be a big lie. im a hell of an actress. try me...

but just off e record, i'd like to give myself a chance to express myself here. doesnt matter its not gona make any difference coz no one reads this anyway. why would anyone bother. so hear this, i dream of becoming a celebrity star. from an actress i'd like to move on to singing. im serious. its all i have ever wanted in my life, as in seriously.

so why dont i try to pursue it? why have i never given a chance for myself to reach out for my dreams? hahaha!
to put it simply, because im a muslim.
i have no regrets with being a muslim. im proud to be one. but my parents use that as an excuse. which i dont approve of. i do not think being a muslim limits me of my rights to fulfill my dreams. in fact it is the opposite. probably i should blame it on my parents' orthodox mindset.

khudakhafiz.

I feel like my parents think im a burden to them. they just want to get rid of the boon their carrying. One mistake from me and they make it all blown up and blame it on me. she noes wat im getting myself into isnt going to work out for me and yet she just wants to shoo me off so that i wont burden her anymore. she pretends tt it is e best thing for me and shows me her support but its all fake. the truth is, if i get myself into this mess, she wont be responsible for me anymore. she can pay for didi this and that. but for me, everything is just pushed over. I wish u realize ma!

I feel like screaming out all tt is inside me. nobody noes wat im going thru. its just a facade i put on everywhere i go to everyone i face. i think i ve mastered this art of acting that im beginning to even fool myself. i feel so screwed inside but i have no one to turn to....

Allah, sesungguh nya kepada mu aku berserah. jangan lah kau uji hamba mu yang lemah ini dgn dugaan yang tidak termampu aku tempuhi. tunjukkan lah kasih sayang mu padaku ya Allah, di saat aku merasakan kehilangan dan kehausan kasih sayang daripd mereka yang dekat dgnku. kerana akhirnya, aku hanya membutukan kasih sayangmu untuk meneruskan kehidupan ini.

mere khuda

my sinetron has ENDED!!! haiz, my days will be so bored without a dose of nay and dude. tapi nasib baik ending they got back together. but the hell they only showed a few seconds of the reunion at their marriage when nay looked all so beautiful.
I hope tt utube guy starts to upload Intan soon!!! i really wanna watch tt lah. or maybe rcti will make another good sinetron soon.

these days i ve been feeling happier and lighter. Praying really helps to balance your emotions. I really feel blessed that Allah has showered me with his blessings. alhamdulillah. finally got offer for teaching degree but im still praying for my appeal to ntu or nus to be successful. insyallah. if its not, i ll still be grateful for wateva allah has given me and I believe wat he has intended for me wld be the best for me. Allahuakhbar. I really hope tt my iman strengthens day to day. I really want to be a changed person. Alhamdulillah, now im beginning to feel a lot better abt wearing the hijab. Allah, pls continue to guide me, and pls do not let me stray even for a bit from whichever path that has been made by you and showed by Prophet Muhammad SAW. Ameen.


khudakhafiz.

khilaf

Aku nggak bakalan mahu menyerah. walau seberat apa pun dugaan yang kau beri ya Tuhan, aku pohon agar kau sisipkan bersamanya segenggam kesabaran dan secebis keikhlasan. Aku percaya, di sebalik semua kesusahan dan kekecewaan yang aku alami di saat ini, pasti ada hikmahnya karna sesungguhnya Engkau tidak pernah mempunyai maksud untuk menghukum manusia. Engkau maha pengampun dan maha penyayang, aku pohon dengan setiap titik darah ku, agar kau mengampunkan segala dosa ku dan menerima taubat ku yang masih kurang sempurna ini. Tunjukkan lah hidayahmu dan sayangilah aku sepertimana Engkau menyayangi para Nabi dan wali mu. Aku merasa tidak berdaya di saat ini dan ini membuat kan aku sadar betapa kerdil dan lemah nya aku. Selama ini, Engkau melindungi aku tetapi aku merasa megah dan berkuasa. Aku lalai dengan segala nikmat yang kau beri. Tapi kali ini kau telah membuka kan mataku. Dengan ucapan Kun Fa Ya Kun, kau bisa mengubah nasib ku. Betapa aku tidak berdaya. Ya Allah, berilah aku semangat untuk meneruskan perjuangan ku. tetapkan lah iman ku, dan janganlah engkau menutupkan setiap pintu nikmat buat ku. Kasihanilah aku yang lemah ini Ya Allah. Kabulkan lah doa doa ku dan berilah aku petunjuk mu supaya aku tidak lagi leka dalam kesombongan dan ketaksuban. Amin.

khudakhafiz.

allah, forgive me.

why cant she understand me? everytime its my fault. she doesnt realize it but i already have too much on my mind. and she only adds to my problem. everytime she looks at me, she gives me that annoying look and just annoys me further. cant she realize that its actually her damn fault! she was the one who kept accusing me of thgs tt i never did. she was the one who forced me to do thgs tt i never wanted to. and most of all, she is the one who always finds fault with me! every single thg about me is wrong to her. I am trying my best, but you never give me a chance. I hate to confess this but im starting to hate you! this is not right, I know. and im trying to delude this emotion. but you re not helping. If you ever came across tis, i wished you realized ma, that its not easy being me-your daughter!


khudakhafiz.

aab to main samajte ho...

when they say, 'love doesnt require a reason'. I did not believe. I did not understand. but today, i do. And i mean to tell all those around me, do not give yourself a reason to love someone. Just love him with all that you have. Please girls, dont you ever give up your love just because he has ceased to express his love for you. You never know, but he may have his reasons for not doing so. And one day when you do find out the reason, you will regret having ended your love for him. Its really complex-love. I havent been through it but i cant help trying to unravel it.



Kau bisa merahsiakannya

Biarlah ia menjadi kunci hatimu

Aku tak perlu tahu

Tapi asal engkau tahu

Ku takkan pernah berhenti mencintaimu

Selagi ada cinta dalam diri aku



Its really very sad. Cahaya has thought me a fair bit about life...how it means to be disliked by your own people, how love can be so unpredictable, how much it means to have your child with you etc. Ppl shud watch tt sinetron and dont think im saying this just because im a fan of Dude n Naysilla. tts only part of the reason folks.





2 guys, a girl and love.

its not tt easy. especially when ure torn between one:

who is on a commoted mission to shield you away from any form of sadness

and another:

who holds a silent vow to give anything to see you smile from your heart.



khudakhafiz

a dose of indon and india

Thank goodness the sinetron hasnt ended. waktu tayang after Munajah Cinta. I was so scared I wont be able to see Dude agn. Haiz. Pains me to think tt one day sinetron Cahaya will definitely have to end(despite being over 200 episodes alrdy) and when tt day comes, I will suffer miserably without Dude.

Aniwae, Tashan was ok. Not incredible. But of course Bebo is incredible! as usual. Now i approve of her bodyshape. Thank god she finally realize tt she has got to get out of being fat. Now shes back to being P-H-A-T! pretty, HOT and tempting! hahaha!

Im still waiting for a letter from any unis? Ya allah, pls let me have an offer. It means everything to me. And I believe only Allah can help me now. He is the most Forgiving and Merciful.

Oh yes, and today's episode of AYA was so romantic. I wanna have a guy like Satria by my side. Who loves me till his last breath, and thinks of nothing but my happiness.
As much as I wana have Dude for myself, I think he and Nay make a nice couple too. So cute. But then agn, I havent seen myself beside Dude. It might be better. hehehe! I hope this sinetron lasts for a few more months. I cant imagine my days without it.

khudakhafiz.

Cinta tidak bermaksud Memiliki

Love Calculator results
These are the results of the calculations by Dr. Love:
Dude Harlino
loves
DIL( insert my full name)


96 %

Dr. Love thinks that a relationship between Dude Harlino and (insert my full name) has a very good chance of being successful, but this doesn't mean that you don't have to work on the relationship. Remember that every relationship needs spending time together, talking with each other etc.

uhuh...see, we're compatible. But in the end, only Allah knows if we were made for each other.
Im still trying to move on though, like I always did. But this time, its really very difficult. I think of him very so often, in my sleep, in my wake, and even in my prayers. But i've told myself, "Cinta tidak bermaksud Memiliki." -Ayat-ayat Cinta

khudakhafiz.

I didnt ask for him to be my first love

its impossible. entirely. but I STILL LOVE HIM. why Allah? why? why is this happening to me? its not fair. I ve never been in this situation. No guy has ever touched my heart. but he did. why does it has to be him? or why does it have to be me.

Googled for blogs with posts on Dude a while ago. So many girls out thr has fallen for him just like I did. And thr was tt utube fan of Dude who had pictures with Dude n all othr Cahaya casts. How e hell did she get tt? She must be a big fan, gg all the way to Jakarta. It seems, from her blog, she knows quite a lot abt Ririn Dwi Ariyanti n Naysilla too. wateva.But seriously, I dont know what is happening to me. Allah, I have so many other things to think and worry about. pls help me forget him if he wasnt made for me. please.

Why is this happening to me?
Why?
U dont know it, but it hurts. This is precisely why I have never let guys near my heart.

Just forget him Dil, let it go. He will never be there for you. You know its just a fantasy. Open your palm and let it fall away from your grasp. Dont give it a thot girl. Its not worth it. Let him go.
He isnt the one for you. YOU know it.


khudakhafiz.

im in love

DIL LOVES DUDE HARLINOHe is 9 yrs my senior

He is a celebrity star

He doesnt know me at all

I only see him on my tv screen

I noe him soooo very much but yet so little

He might never noe of my love for him

I know i might never be able to face him in the eye n profess my feelings for him.

But I still LOVE him...

with all my heart n with every ounce of sincerity i have.

I cant believe this !!! its totally insane but im in LOVE! i dunno how but i do noe its quite an impossible case. seriously.but it pains me to think it may just be my fantasy. never felt this way before. mungkin ini yg dikatakan cinta pertama. i just pray maybe it ll work. with every little faith i have.

She loves him. truly.madly.deeply.

khudakhafiz.

kya love story hai

no wonder the titles like tt. the story is sooo impossible. for one thg, how can u POSSIBLY keep thinking of so,eone you saw walking on the street for barely 5 mins! n secondly, its totally IMPOSSIBLE tt you cant concentrate on ur daily life after tt few moment. n thirdly, its absolutely IMPOSSIBLE tt u happen to meet tt special someone again at a party. yeh saab to sirf filmi main hota hai....hai allah!
khudakhafiz

Repentance of a disillusioned soul

yesterday, i was searching throughout the Quran for ways to calm myself down. I belive in fate. i pray:

O Allah, pls forgive my sins and accept my imperfect repentance.

Pls make me a better person n a better daughter.

Give my parents all the happiness tt they desserve and may they never have to face any hardships for as long as they are loyal to u in this life.

Fill up the lives of my siblings with your blessings. Light up our lives with your way of truth n do guide us in this life tt is full of challenges.

Show your mercy to those who are close to me, and may their lives also be lighted with the truth as u have lighted mine.

In times where i may lose hope, i seek refuge in your mercy and love.

Insya Allah.

and please give me good results tmrw and make my parents happy. pls Allah.

khudakhafiz.

Fast-Forward enlightenments

oh great...i was thinkin a lot the whole of today.
firstly, while teaching hidayah at tuition just now, i was thinking. everyone is born with brains.common thing.but not everyone turns to be smart. sure you can study hard and grow to be an intelligent person. but wat teori goes out for those people who r just born smart or even those who are just smarter than e average kid. does it have to do with family inheritance? or probably some brain juice theory?I must be so lucky to have at least an intelligence level below the average kiddo. i managed to ace all the exams i have sat for so far. but i think my brain juices are evaporating. gosh!.... n then poof!!!!!
i was enlightened. all these must have been somethg tt have been pre-arranged by ALLAH. If he thinks u deserve it, then u get it. n if u dont, think wat sin u must have done n repent. So in the end, it finally comes down useful to me since Alevel results will be revealed THIS FRIDAY. (*kaching* Lisa didi actually msg me at tuition to let me noe) haha! so in the end, i have to convince myself tt if i deserve it, Allah will definitely give it to me. insyaallah. and i promise i will sujud syukur asap when i get my result slip...in tt very moment of happiness(i hope).
N well, ustazah also came up with e topic on sujud syukr at e mosque for tonite's preaching session. i hope it is a sign for me to be syukrilillah when i get my results. insyaallah.
i just want to make my parents proud. especially ammi jaan since she has an honour to uphold. an so do i. i wanna make them proud n lift the burden on them for supporting me.
ammi, abbah, hum apko koi shikayat nahin dungga. allah ko hume har galti seh maaf karo.

yeh...ek beti ki dua. khudakhafiz.

day 1

gosh...im still trying to get this rite. cant be that difficult na? sad to say, THIS BLOG IS STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
things to do:
get a skin
update my profile
learn to post video n song clips
.....cant wait to get it started. just have loads on my mind to pen down these days.